The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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