News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i drank out of a bidet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
