so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
