SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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