In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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