New invention idea: vibrating tampons
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
