11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
