Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
