Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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