he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
