also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
