dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
