lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
