just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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