I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
