my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
