he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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