guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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