She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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