woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I showed him my bush... on skype.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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