So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That accounts for only three of the penises
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
