is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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