He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
