Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
