I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I need moral support for this bender
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
