Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
