your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We are two peas in an std pod
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
