For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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