Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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