from now on my penis is your penis
I love having hate sex.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
