I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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