i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
