I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't deserve a penis
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
