Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
