i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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