Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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