it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
