i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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