there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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