which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
