I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
two words: eviction party
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
