2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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