shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
