when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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