I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
PANTIES FOUND
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
