dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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