Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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