if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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