my phone needs a breathalizer
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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