i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
