The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
