he referred to my room as the tit cave...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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