And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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